Empaths, Narcissists and The Art of Boundaries: Reclaiming Your Energy and Power

Dear Ones,

Shall we spend a moment today reflecting on the important topic of the narcissist? Most of us, at one point or another, have crossed paths with these people and experienced the confusion and pain that often trail in their wake. For empaths, this can be especially challenging because our intrinsic compassion and deep sense of morality make it difficult to comprehend how others could act with so little conscience. The questions linger: How could they behave that way? Why did they cause such harm, seemingly without remorse?

 Many empaths find themselves continuing to wrestle with these questions for years. Trying to heal from encounters with narcissists who wielded influence in our lives. This journey, however painful, is a profound opportunity for growth. It’s essential to explore and understand these dynamics if we wish to reclaim our power. And avoid further heart-ache in the future.

 All of us function on a spectrum - with the unaware, self-sacrificing empath on one extreme and the ego-driven narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath on the other. Throughout our lives, we grow, adapt, and sometimes use traits from either side, influenced by our personal awareness and life circumstances at the time. An unconscious empath may be just as destructive as a narcissist - the difference lies mainly in who bears the brunt of that destruction.

 Healthy development ideally sees us move from relying on the ego and our lower chakras towards living with guidance from the heart and higher energy centres. Those who remain energetically “stuck” in the lower chakras, never accessing the heart’s wisdom, are often drawn into patterns of narcissism or even darker expressions of personality. Such people are constantly driven by ego needs, unable to mature into a place of balance.

The distinction between empath and narcissist is can be summarised as “service to others” versus “service to self.” Yet, reality is not always so clean-cut. Even empaths can act out of self-interest, and narcissists may perform acts that look, at least on the surface, like service to others. The deeper motive - whether it stems from true compassion or a desire to manipulat - often reveals the true nature of the act and the person. 

Energetically, empaths innately connect to universal energy. Acts of kindness are a natural extension of how we tune in and recharge. In contrast, narcissists, due to energetic blockages, lack this ability and instead seek to extract energy from others. The “energy vampire” metaphor is apt - they feed off the vitality of those around them, using manipulation, charm, or domination, often masked by early “love bombing” behaviours.

The unenlightened empath has few boundaries, great difficulty saying no to the needs and requests of others, and because they strongly feel the emotions of other suffering humans, feel the deep need to help others – even to the point of subjugating their own needs and desires.

This makes them perfect targets for narcissists in all walks of life, from intimate and familial relationships to workplaces and society in general. Narcissists, motivated to gather power and secure their own needs, are masters at siphoning energy from the unsuspecting and compassionate empath.

It’s a proven reality that many narcissists and sociopaths are highly intelligent, and therefore capable of subtle manipulations that evade our empathic intuition. Their intelligence, untempered by genuine moral reasoning and compassion, makes their actions all the more harmful for those caught in the web of lies and deceit they seem to cast around themselves.

Having supported many empaths on this journey, recurring questions emerge: Why does this keep happening to me? What did I miss? How do I break the cycle? 

These questions are not melodramatic; they are the essence of self-reflection and growth. The real shift begins not by dissecting the narcissist’s behaviour, but by turning the gaze inwards. By examining our own patterns and the roots of why we allowed such dynamics to exist and persist.

 Shadow work and inner child healing are potent tools for uncovering those soul-deep wounds such as abandonment, rejection, humiliation, betrayal. Until we address these, we remain vulnerable to repeating painful lessons. Only by identifying, healing, and gently releasing these wounds can we truly reprogram our own behaviours and what we will accept from others.

 Boundaries become central. Not just in creating them, but in consistently maintaining them and later positively adapting them as we heal, grow and develop. This is the journey from unconscious reacting to conscious choosing, from feeling life happens “to us” to stepping into the role of conscious creator. When we truly integrate and recognise our responsibility for what we allow and create, life transforms. Sometimes so quickly, it is almost magical.

Empowerment is not always easy. Upholding boundaries may be uncomfortable at first, but with healing comes clarity, speed, and a sense of inner freedom. Real transformation is recognising we are the architects of our own lives.

 As for understanding narcissists more deeply, it’s helpful to accept that we may never fully comprehend their motivations - they operate from a completely different psychological “operating system.” They do not share our moral compass, compassion or ability to forgive.

 For them, manipulation is as natural as breathing, and they lack the capacity for the guilt and remorse that restrain most empaths. Trying to “win” against a true narcissist is rarely possible, for they are unconstrained by the ethics that bind us.

 Some key truths to remember:

• Narcissists and empaths exist at opposite ends of the spectrum; because us empaths operate on a completely different ‘operating system’ it is not possible to fully understand them or their motivations and vice versa.

• Narcissists play by different moral rules - lying, cheating and manipulating do not trouble them.

• You cannot “win” by engaging in their power dynamics.

• Disengagement, boundary-setting and where possible, distance are the only true victories.

• Do not take their behaviour personally. If not you, it would be someone else.

• Growth comes from learning the lesson, not blaming yourself for the encounter.

Wherever possible, when you encounter new acquaintances you recognise as being narcissistic in nature – resist as far as possible in engaging in their games and manipulations. The only way to truly win with a narcissist is not to play.

The world offers us constant opportunities to discern light from shadow, to learn, teach, and evolve. As adults is important to learn to stand in our sovereignty. It is essential to claim our right to choose who enters our lives and to stand firm in protecting our energy and well-being.

 From a spiritual perspective, such challenges are part of our path in “Earth School.” They help us hone discernment, strengthen our resolve, provide opportunities to develop and trust our intuition and help us learn to live in alignment with our higher selves.

 We usually have soul agreements with those who bring us our most intense lessons - both bright and dark. And since as humans, we seem to make the most gigantic leaps in personal development through personal duress, this seems to be especially true of our closer narcissistic relationships. Sometimes our interaction with them has spanned many lifetimes – but it is never too late to learn, evolve and complete our lessons.

A major higher calling for the empath is to master the art of compassionate boundaries, to honour our own worth, and to serve as a beacon for others traversing similar paths of challenge. Healing ourselves not only transforms our experience but also lights the way for others still in the struggle. 

The greatest transformation begins when you reclaim your power, compassionately stand firm in your boundaries, and remember that your radiant light was not meant to be dimmed by anyone’s shadow or manipulations. You are not here just to live life as a victim. You are here to grow, heal, learn to stand in your strengths and to inspire hope, strength, and shine the light of possibility into the world. 

With love and radiant strength.  Susie

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